There’s a picture of me as a little girl—hair in a ponytail, eyes wide with wonder, hands grasping a soccer ball training to be the next BIG footballer. I look at that girl sometimes and feel a mix of emotions. She was eager, hopeful, and trying her best with the tools she had. But if I’m honest, there were years when I looked back at her with criticism instead of compassion.
I should have spoken up more.
I should have known better.
I should have been braver.
That “should have” list could go on forever, but here’s the truth: that little girl deserved love, not judgment. And so does yours.
The Voice That Shapes Us
I’ve been reflecting on this all month through my Instagram series, The Love I Would Extend to My Younger Self. The more I spoke about it, the more I realized—this wasn’t just for me. So many of us have spent years replaying moments from our past through the lens of self-criticism.
We tell ourselves; I should have seen the red flags sooner. I should have trusted my instincts. I should have been more disciplined, more kind, more wise.
But when I look at my daughters—Jada, with her fierce determination, and Zola, with her spirited heart—I don’t see a list of failures. I see two young girls doing the best they can with the knowledge they have. And if that’s how I see them, why wouldn’t I extend that same grace to myself?
Maybe you need to do the same.
Loving the Girl Who Was Trying Her Best
Scripture tells us, “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:13-14)
God is not standing over us with a critical checklist, tallying up every misstep. He remembers our humanity. He knows we were learning. He sees the version of us that was just trying to make sense of the world. And He extends compassion.
What if we did the same?
What if we could sit across from our younger selves and, instead of correction, we offered kindness? What if we took her hands in ours and told her:
"I see you. I know you're trying. You don’t have to carry that load."
The Lessons I Want My Girls to Know
Your worth isn’t up for debate. The world will try to measure you by beauty, success, or approval, but none of those things determine your value. “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)“You were fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)
Boundaries are an act of love, not rejection. You don’t have to say yes to everything to be kind. Protecting your peace is wisdom, not selfishness. “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” (Matthew 5:37)“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
You are not behind. There is no magic timeline for success. God’s plan for you was never meant to be compared to someone else’s. “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Your failures don’t define you. If anything, they shape you into someone stronger, wiser, and more grace-filled. “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.” (Proverbs 24:16)“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You don’t have to shrink to make others comfortable. The light in you was placed there for a reason—don’t dim it for the sake of fitting in. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14)“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
These are the truths I remind my girls, and these are the truths I would whisper to the girl I once was.
Wrapping It Up With Love
If this series has taught me anything, it’s that we don’t need more criticism. We need more love—for the people we are, for the young girls we once were, and for the women we are becoming.
Maybe today is the day you stop looking at your past through the lens of regret and start looking through the lens of grace. Maybe today, you give your younger self a big hug.
And maybe—just maybe—you finally let her rest in the love she always deserved.
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